London is a melting pot of expats and we all know it!
And some of them are pretty funny.
So I drew up a list of some of the kinds of expats whose judgement has seen better days…:
THE DISTRACTED EXPAT IN LONDON
The Distracted Expat will share a room with four room-mates in zone 1, because living in zone 1 is the coolest thing.
Never mind that he lives in such squalid conditions as to make you lose your appetite for a month.
The Distracted Expat goes to London to look for work, but he “forgets” to prepare his CV before launching into his job-hunting adventure.
When asked, he claims he hasn’t got one ready.
The Distracted Expat looks for an office job in London, thinking that in corporate environments things work the same way as in shops or retail;
so he turns up at XYZ firm in person, CV in hand.
You may bump into the Distracted Expat, who will ask if before going to London/ the UK you need any vaccinations.
The Distracted Expat feels it’s fine to go to London and look for a good job without speaking any English.
After all, also English-speaking people who come to their country to look for work don’t speak their language either.
The Distracted Expat leaves his original nation to find a job in a more meritocratic country, but eventually ends up paying someone/some agency of his own nationality to find him a job.
Needless to say, most of the times, the tricksters will literally disappear after cashing the money.
The Distracted Expat believes that it only requires a degree to get a good job easily in London, even if he has reached 30, without having worked a single day in his life.
The Distracted Expat complains that in London you can never see the sunshine even when the sun is out.
The Distracted Expat is homesick and traumatized by British food.
So he asks his mum to send him his favourite food from home, because he claims the very same imported specialties you can find in any London Tesco or Asda do not taste the same.
The Distracted Expat works only for employers of his own nationality, even if in dreadful conditions and irregularly;
this is because he doesn’t trust employers of other nationalities.
When looking for a job on Facebook, Forums etc, the Distracted Expat will introduce himself in the social ads thus:
My name is XY, I am ZT years old, I’m looking for a job.
No clue about what job he’s looking for, though.
The Distracted Expat goes to London to look for work without particular skills or knowing the local language, because he claims his cousin’s friend-of-a-friend, who went to London without speaking a word of English, was able after 6 months to buy a Mercedes and after 1 year a house.
The Distracted Expat will always insist that salaries in London are always high regardless of the profession, and that those who don’t earn so much are poor because they are lazy and don’t work enough.
The Distracted Expat will claim that carving out a career in London is easy. After all, he’s been promoted to manager at Burger King after only a matter of months.
Even if this management position translates to a minimum-salary job where he works incredible hours earning only 50p more than a normal employee.
The Distracted Expat thinks that London is England and that England is the UK.
And refers to all British as English.
The Distracted Expat thinks that London ends outside zone 1 and that outside zone 1 there isn’t anything to see.
For some other Distracted Expats, the UK/Northern Ireland /Ireland and Scotland all mean London.
The Distracted Expat thinks that in London you can only eat junk food. Even if there are international restaurants galore.
Some Distracted Expats claim themselves to be “35-year-old boys/girls”, forgetting the fact that at a certain stage of your life you are supposed to become a man/woman.
Most Distracted Expats will jump queues pretending to be tourists, thinking Brits won’t mind.
Have you ever met any of those Distracted Expats in London?